Attention parents! You are under surveillance!

Got baffled by the title?? But yes, this is a fact. Your kids are watching you day and night. You may call your child ten times,  your kid may not respond and may seem engrossed in something. But you start talking with your husband or with your friend and you will find that their antenna is always directed towards you. If you are talking about the kids then they will not miss even a single word.

You try to sit comfortably and discuss something with your husband and I am ready to bet if your kid doesn't come running towards you and occupy space between you and your husband. 

Once my kid was spending his vacation with his grandparents. After couple of days I received a call from my mother in law (MIL) asking whether we had a fight regarding who should clean the kitchen platform in the night. I was more embarrassed than surprised by this question. She narrated the afternoon's incident. That day the kids were playing "Mummy Daddy" game. My kid was acting as the Daddy and our neighbour's daughter was acting as the Mummy. During this role play the Daddy asked Mummy to clean the kitchen platform and the Mummy readily agreed. Now the little Daddy gave instructions to the Mummy, "Hey how come you readily agreed to clean kitchen platform?? You should say that it's your turn to do it today and fight" My wizened MIL had guessed what must have happened and had called me. Plus I got a free advice that we should not fight in front of the kiddo. All I remember is my kid was engrossed in watching cartoons in other room when we were fighting. I am sure even you would have experienced similar thing.

I remember when I was a kid my mother used to have her college in the early morning (she was a teacher). She used to finish cooking and other chores before her college. She used to be in great hurry. If we sisters wouldn't follow discipline she used to scold us. She used to get delayed. But I used to feel what's there to scold us for such a small thing. When I would grow up I wouldn't lose my temper by such a small thing. But alas! That's not the case. When placed in similar circumstances unknowingly my reactions are exactly same as my mother and not what I always envisaged.

In my office it was normal for people to distribute chocolates on their birthdays. All the kids love chocolates. So did my kiddo. So used to bring those chocolates home and share with my kiddo. After few days I realised whenver kids used to distribute chocolates in his school he started bringing them home. He used open then only after I came home. Or when he used to fall sick I used to check his temperature after every 2-3 hours. Now when I fall sick he does the same without anyone telling him anything!

Jokes apart, but parents we are seriously being watched 24*7. Our kids are going to immitate us in similar circumstances. Our advices may not work. Actions speak louder than words.  Kids learn more by watching our behavior than what we tell them. We are the role model to our kids. I would like to conclude by saying be the man you want your child to become!

Making kids understand value of money! - Part 3

In earlier blog we read about how my son demanded a Nerf gun and I suggested him to buy it with his hard earn money. He had accepted the challenge, started ironing clothes and was waiting for his first pay.

In his first month he had managed to iron 55 clothes and he had earned Rs 330. He wanted to buy a toy for himself. We went to our usual toy shop. He immediately checked the price of Nerf gun. Its price range was from Rs 800 to Rs 20000. He was little disappointed. Then he started checking some other fancy toys. Alas!! They were very costly.

Finally he told the shopkeeper that his budget was Rs 330 and asked what could be purchased with this amount. The shop keeper started showing some card games, board games etc. When he made his first selection the total cost of the merchandise was Rs 336. He didn't have sufficient money. I offered to give him extra Rs 6. But he refused. I offered him advance of Rs 6 and asked him to adjust it in next billing cycle. He rejected this proposal either. Finally he selected 2 items - Fletter cards and fidget spinner. This fitted well in his budget. He was very happy with his shopping. He was in euphoria. 

He started ironing his clothes with more gusto in the next month. In the second month his tally was around Rs 650- 700. Still the money was not sufficient to buy Nerf gun. He was little disheartened and asked me way forward. I advised him to save his money and spend it at a later date. It was very difficult for him to exercise control. But the attraction for Nerf gun proved to be stronger. Finally after 3 months of ironing he became proud owner of his Nerf gun!!

Few learnings from this exercise:

1. One has to really put in lot of efforts to earn even a small amount of money.

2. If you want to make big expenditure then you need to plan and save the money.

3. The kid has learnt one essential life skill which will never go waste.

Lastly I would quote 2 incidents which assured me the learning has indeed been etched into my son's mind:

1. We have been visiting same toy shop in nearby locality for years. One day the owner specifically asked me, "Madam, what have you done? Earlier your son used to look for all costly fancy toys. But these days he has suddenly started asking for cheaper and simple toys. He comes with some budget as well?? Are you paying him any procket money??"

2. My son and his grandfather had been to movie. During break his grandfather thought of buying him popcorn. Dadaji was mentally prepared to spend the extravagant cost of Rs 220 for tub. But when my son noticed this price he flatly refused to buy any snacks as they were not worth the money.

What else one mother could want!!

For reading my other blogs please visit  https://kinfolkclub.com or https://motherlab.blogspot.com

Making kids understand value of money! - Part 2

Read Part 1

In last blog we read that my son wanted a Nerf gun. Giving Nerf gun was not a big deal for me but making my kid understand the value of money was very important. I had found the solution to this problem. I had suggested my son to buy the gun with his hard earned money. Read on to know how.

Me: That's easy enough. I will give you a deal. If you like it then you can accept it. Why don't you iron your own clothes? I pay outside laundry-man at the rate of Rs 6 per cloth. I will pay you at the same rate for the clothes you have ironed during the month. We can maintain a diary and note number clothes ironed on each day.

Son: But I don't know how to iron clothes. 

Me: Oh! It's not at all difficult dear. Me and your father would teach you how to iron.

Son: But what if I iron the clothes, earn the money and you refuse to buy whatever I say. 

Me: That's a promise. I will not refuse or detain you from buying whatever you like. If I feel something is not appropriate as a mother I will tell you my opinion. But the final decision will be yours and it will be binding on me and as well as on your father.

I interlocked little finger of my right hand into little finger of his right hand. That was a gesture of promise which cannot be broken by either of the parties. This was sufficient to convince my son. But I was not done yet. I also told him one more condition that I would not hand over the cash to him. We would accompany him wherever he wanted to go for shopping and we would pay directly to shopkeeper. I had put this condition for 2 reasons. First, he shouldn't carry money in school for showing off among his friends and fall victim to some untoward incident. Second to maintain transperancy. It shouldn't so happen that we have disallowed something and he spends money on such things without our knowledge. We had full trust in our son but at such young age taking due precaution was our responsibility as parents. Let the kids venture far but not too far.

My son understood the full scheme. He was not too sure about whether he should go for it or not. Next 2-3 weeks went by without mentioning either of the Nerf gun or ironing. One Saturday my son declared that he was ok with my proposal and wanted to learn ironing. We immediately got a brand new Murphy Richards iron. My husband taught him how to lay table for ironing, how to adjust the temperature of the iron depending on material of the cloth and finally how to iron different types of clothes. We advised him to iron his clothes under our supervision only. We had to help him initially in turning the clothes and folding them. But in short time he mastered the art. He was now eagerly waiting for first pay day.

Follow my blog to know whether my son would be able to buy his beloved the Nerf gun with his hard earned money. (To be continued..)

For reading my other blogs visit https://kinfolkclub.com or https:://motherlab.blogspot.com

Making kids understand value of money ! - Part 1

When we were kids we didn't have so many toys and resources and yet we were so happy. Today's kids have plenty many toys and still they always look dissatisfied with their lot. They always keep on demanding something more.

My son had turned 11. He had many toy guns. But now he wanted to own a Nerf gun. I knew that his enthusiasm for any new toy including this Nerf gun would remain for 2-3 days and then the toy would lie in some forgotten corner of the house for ages. So I was not very keen on buying the same. My past experience had taught me that outright denial leads to lot of dissatisfaction and opens up endless string of arguments. I wanted to avoid this scene but at the same time I wanted my son to understand the value money. 

But how to do it?? It was easily said than done.  I wanted some time to think. So when my son demanded Nerf gun I just gave him non-committal answer, "Let's see". Thereafter I was thinking on it for couple of days. One really does not appreciate the efforts required for earning money unless he himself has earned money. Oh yes! Eureka!! I found the solution. Now I needed to talk to my son. I called him and told him.

Me: You wanted a Nerf gun right?

Son: Yes.

Me: See you already have 2-3 guns. So I don't feel like buying another gun for you. But still if you really want Nerf gun then you can purchase it with your own hard earned money.

Son: Hard earned money? What do you mean by hard earned money?? 

I had to be very careful while defining this term because my son had earned decent amount of prize money. Plus he was favorite of all and used to get gift money from family and friends on various occasions. 
Me: It means money earned by doing some real work. It will not include prize money or gift money that you have received.

Son: It will not include prize money or gift money?? Then how am I supposed to earn money Mamma? It's impossible. (He looked little disheartened)

Me: That's easy enough. I will give you a deal. If you like it then you can accept it. 

My son was listening with all attention. If I had proposed something then I had to show him practical way of achieving the same also. I had found out a solution which was "Win Win" situation for me. If he would accept my proposal he would learn a new life skill which would be useful to him throughout his life and plus learn the value of money. If he would not  accept my solution I would not purchase this Nerf gun also.

Stay tuned to find out what this solution was and whether my son accepted my proposal. (To be continued...)

What you sow comes back to you

Now my kiddo had entered primary school. He was learning new new things - formally from his school and informally from his friends. That day he had learnt new thing from his  friends was eating chewing gums. Now he was insisting on buying a packet of chewing gums. He knew that I didn't approve of eating chewing gums. So he smartly approached his father and demanded chewing gums. 

My husband also didn't much approve of chewing gums. But he also knew that banning it completely would not help. So he got a packet of chewing gums and insisted  on eating it under his supervision. Our son had never eaten chewing gum till then. My son was more than glad in complying with his Daddy's directions. 

Now the next challenge was how to stop him from getting into this habit?? Now our son was a big boy and would not yield to our wishes unless he would be convinced about it. If we would have tried to convince him he would have felt that since both of us hate chewing gums we are simply trying to keep him away from it. We wanted some impartial judge. And here came our ally. The Internet!!

You will find information about anything you want. You need to just word your search phrase appropriately. After our son had his first chewing gum my husband gave search on the Internet "Disadvantages of eating chewing gums" Of course internet provided lots of information on disadvantages ranging from tooth decay to kidney problems to cancer. My son read these articles. He also found out that the chewing gums may contain controversial ingredients like Butylated Hydroxytoluene, Titanium Dioxide, Aspartame which if consumed in excess quantities may lead to cancer, metabolic disorders, head aches. Immediately he checked his own packet. He found one of such controlversial ingredients in his chewing gum. He immediately threw his remaining packet in dustbin. We were relieved by this action.

My husband and myself proceeded for doing night time chores and our son continued browsing internet. After some time he called both us. He told his father, "Daddy, these days you use too much of WhatsApp"

During that period my husband was working as coordinator and was using WhatsApp to a great extent for this coordination job.

Husband: Of course, I need to use it for work.

Son: But it is not good for you at all 

Husband: Means?

My son had googled on "Side effects of using WhatsApp" and he was showing some article where the author had mentioned extreme consequences of using WhatsApp. The author had mentioned that one may lose the eyesight by excessive use of WhatsApp!! I burst into laughing. My husband's face was worth watching.  My kiddo was looking at both of us with a big question mark on his face. He was unable to understand why the elders were not taking such dire consequences seriously.

Afterall what you sow comes back to you!!

Happy boy who forgot to flush

Now the days of "हम दो हमारे दो" are over. These days most of the couples have single kids. Single kids who are greatly pampered, who get the best of everything and are yet unsatisfied. Many times they are very argumentative. Parent have to literally pursuade their kids to do small things. Kids don't listen and the overall environment of the house gets heated.

For some time we were trying to teach my son that whenever he uses a bathroom he was supposed to flush and keep the bathroom clean. Sometimes he used to flush and sometimes he used to forget. There was no particular reason behind either forgetting or remembering. We were tired of constantly reminding and checking. He was not leaving his casual attitude behind. Persuasion, scolding, punishment all modes tried but in vain. One day my husband had a brain wave and he started narrating a story of a happy boy to our son.

"Once upon a time there lived a boy. He used to be happy at all times. He used to be happy during day, he used to be happy during night. He used to be very happy while brushing and doing potty also. His happiness knew no bounds.

In the fit of his happiness he used to do many crazy things. For example when he used to take bath he would sing and then leave wet towel on the bed. While going out he would change into new clothes and leave used clothes on the floor. When he used to come back from school he would leave his shoes and socks scattered in the room. He would throw his school bag on the sofa. But he used to be happiest when he used to go for potty. He would sing songs and then forget to flush. He used to be so happy, so happy that he used to turn deaf when people were calling his name. He simply would not respond to his Mum or Dad calling."

My son was staring at my husband with mouth wide open. When my husband finished telling his story he just rushed into the bathroom and flushed the toilet. He came back and asked my husband, "Daddy, you are telling my story, are you?" My husband didn't reply. He was just smiling. 

This story proved to be a game changer. The term "Happy Boy" became a code word for us. The moment we would say today you seem to be very happy he would run around the house and check what he had done rather I would say what he had not done. Earlier when we used to have guests and he used to forget to flush we used to feel embarrassed while telling our son. But now we would just say "Happy boy" and immediately my son would pick up the hint and do the needful. All shouting business had reduced considerably. No pursuasion was necessary. Absolutely no embarrassment in front of guests. Overall environment became calm and pleasant. After all these years now my kid is trained and desciplined. But for occasional rare lapses the happy boy comes handy.

Friends, I agree that this was not a planned and calculated trick. But I am sharing this experience to demonstrate that we need to be creative while dealing with our kids. Mere shouting and punishing does not help. This cannot be the readymade solution as every kid is different and different things would inspire different people. Just think what would inspire your own kid and try something new. When you get frustrated just remember that there was a happy boy who would forget to flush!

मुलांच कुतूहल की पालकांची परीक्षा - भाग १ (उड्डाणपूलाची आणि पवनचक्कीची गोष्ट)

मी ११ वर्षांची आई आहे... अहो कसलाही गैरसमज करून घेऊ नका. मला फक्त इतकंच म्हणायचं आहे की मी ११ वर्षाच्या मुलाची आई आहे. तेही अत्यंत जिज्ञासू पण तितक्याच खोडकर मुलाची आई आहे. आज मी तुम्हाला पण माझ्या पालकत्वाच्या प्रवासामध्ये सहभागी करून घेणार आहे. असा प्रवास जो अखंड प्रश्र्न मालिकेने भरला आहे, असा प्रवास ज्यामध्ये आई मुलाच्या प्रश्र्नांची उत्तरं द्यावीत की नाही अशा संभ्रमात पडते, उत्तरं द्यायची तर कशी या विचारात पडते, असा प्रवास जो मुलाचा कुतुहलाचा झरा अखंड वाहता रहावा यासाठी केलेल्या प्रयत्नांनी भरला आहे.

माझ्या गोष्टी सांगायच्या प्रवासाला तेव्हा सुरूवात झाली जेव्हा माझा मुलगा बोलायला लागला आणि त्याने प्रश्र्न विचारयला सुरूवात केली. आधी त्याचे प्रश्र्न "आई, हे काय आहे?" "ते काय आहे?" पर्यंत सिमीत होते. मीही आपण आपल्या मुलाचं कुतूहल मारता कामा नये अशा आधुनिक विचारांची आई असल्यामुळे त्याच्या प्रश्र्नांची यथाशक्ती उत्तरं देत गेले. 

तो छोट्या मुलांसाठी असणार्या काऊ चिऊच्या गोष्टींमध्ये कधीच रमला नाही. कदाचित तो अशा गोष्टींचा त्यांच्या अनुभव विश्वाशी मेळ घालू शकत नसेल. तो त्याच्या आजूबाजूला दिसणाऱ्या सामान्य गोष्टींकडे बोट दाखवायचा आणि आई मला याची गोष्ट सांग असं म्हणायचा. त्याला प्रत्येक वस्तूची गोष्ट हवी असायची. आज मी तुम्हाला अशाच काही गोष्टी सांगणार आहे.

एकदा आम्ही कारमधून चाललो असताना त्याने बाहेर बोट दाखवलं आणि "आई, मला या उड्डाणपूलाची गोष्ट सांग" म्हणून माझ्या पाठीमागे लागला. मीही विचारात पडले की आता उड्डाणपूलाची काय गोष्ट सांगणार. मी थोडा विचार केला आणि त्याला गोष्ट सांगायला सुरुवात केली.
आपल्याला एका ठिकाणापासून दुसऱ्या ठिकाणी जाण्यासाठी तयार केलेल्या वाटेला रस्ता म्हणतात. जिथे दोन रस्ते एकमेकांना छेदतात अशा ठिकाणी पूल बांधून एक रस्ता दुसऱ्या रस्त्यावरून नेलेला असतो त्याला उड्डाणपूल असं म्हणतात. आणि वाहनांसाठी किंवा चालणाऱ्या लोकांसाठी एका रस्त्याखालून दुसरा रस्ता बांधतात त्याला भुयारी मार्ग म्हणतात. मग उड्डाणपूल कधी वापरतात, भुयारी मार्गाचा उपयोग काय अशी आमची गोष्ट चालू राहिली. मी या गोष्टीबद्दल साशंक होते पण गोष्ट संपली तेव्हा त्याच्या चेह-यावर मात्र समाधान दिसत होतं. 

असंच एकदा पुण्याला जात असताना आम्हाला पवनचक्की दिसली. लगेचच आमची प्रश्र्नमालिका चालू झाली.
छोटुकला: आई, हे गोल गोल काय फिरतय?

मी: अरे त्याला पवनचक्की असं म्हणतात.

छोटुकला: आई, मला त्या पवनचक्कीची गोष्ट सांग.

मी: एकदा एक टाटा काका होते. त्यांना एका टेकडीवर नेहमी जोराचा वारा वाहताना दिसायचा. त्यांनी त्या वाऱ्याचा वापर करून वीज तयार करायची ठरवली. मग काय! त्यांनी एक पवनचक्कीच उभी केली. जेव्हा जोराचा वारा वाहतो तेव्हा त्या वाऱ्यामुळे पवनचक्कीची पाती गोल गोल फिरतात. त्या पात्यामधल्या ऊर्जेच जनित्र (generator) वीजेमध्ये रुपांतर करतात. तयार झालेली वीज तारांमधून इतर ठिकाणी वाहून नेली जाते. (मी त्याला विजेच्या तारा आणि खांब दाखवले.) या तारे मधूनच वीज आपल्या घरापर्यंत येऊन पोहोचते. आता तू सांग बरं आपल्या घरी कोणती कोणती उपकरणं विजेवर चालतात??

छोटुकला: दिवा, पंखा...

मी: अजून??

छोटुकला: अंमऽऽ फ्रीज, गिझर, मिक्सर

मी: एकदम बरोबर!!

माझी गोष्ट संपताना पिल्लूचे डोळे आनंदाने चमकत होते. मला गोष्ट सांगायच्या आधी त्याला ती समजेल की नाही अशी शंका वाटत होती. पण त्याला ती गोष्ट नुसतीच समजली नाही तर ती त्याच्या पसंतीला पण उतरली आहे हे त्याचे डोळेच सांगत होते.
काही दिवसांतच आम्ही त्याला गोष्टी सांगण्याच्या कलेमध्ये प्रभुत्व मिळवलं. अशाच प्रकारे आमच्या कितीतरी गोष्टी तयार झाल्या... खुर्चीच्या, टेबलच्या, आगगाडीच्या, क्रेनच्या, कॉंक्रीट मिक्सरच्या... या गोष्टी बहुतेक वेळेला तो पदार्थ किंवा वस्तू कशापासून बनली आहे, तिचा उपयोग कुठे होतो, ती वस्तू कशी चालते अशा मुद्यांना धरून तयार व्हायच्या.

तुम्हाला पण तुमच्या छोटुकल्यांबरोबर असे अनुभव आले असतील ना? तुमच्या पण घरामध्ये अशीच न थोपवता येणारी प्रश्र्न मालिका असेल ना?? माझी खात्री आहे की तुम्हाला तुमच्या छोटुकल्यांच्या झंझावाताला उत्तरं देताना हा लेख निश्चित मार्गदर्शक ठरेल. मलाही तुमचे अनुभव ऐकायला नक्की आवडेल. अशाच तुमच्या माझ्या जिव्हाळ्याच्या गोष्टी, अनुभव ऐकण्यासाठी माझी लेखमाला फाॅलो करा.. माझे इतर लेख (इंग्रजी आणि मराठी) वाचण्यासाठी पुढील सांकेतिक स्थळांना भेट द्या: 
https://kinfolkclub.com किंवा https://motherlab.blogspot.com

Curious kids or parents at test 😲-Part 21 (Why you use sanitary napkin)- Part 2

To read first part click on Part 1

In last blog we read that my son insisting on clarification on why I need to use sanitary napkins. My excuses for not telling him giving him reason were exhausting. Finally I gave in. Explaining menstrual cycle to 10 year old was a challenge. 

Me: Before we actually turn to why I use sanitary napkin I want to ask you few questions. Suppose we are looking for a new house, will you choose place where electricity, water facilities available or you will go and  start living in house where nothing is available and then start preparing bathroom and fit electric fittings??

Son: I will choose a house which has water and electricity.

Me: Means we first ensure that all facilities are available in the house before we start living there, right? The house needs to be maintained in "ready" mode. One does not know when someone will start living there. 

Likewise, the nature has designed our bodies considering the future needs or functions of the body. Who conceives the baby??

Son: Girl or woman.

Me: Correct. So woman's body is specially designed to carry a baby in her womb or uterus. The nature keeps a woman's body in "ready" condition before baby is ever  conceived. It doesn't know when a baby will come there.  

Now once again I will ask you a question. What do we do if we do not require something in the house?

Son: We give it to someone else or we throw it if it is not usable.

Me: Right! Using the same analogy now tell me what does our body do with something that's not required? For example what does our body do with undigested food?

Son: Throw it out by way of potty or may be urine??

Me: Correct. Now let's go back to our main topic. Woman have an organ called ovaries which are part of our reproduction system. Every month the ovaries release an egg. The egg can fertilize only if it meets a gene from father. At the same time a thick lining/ layer is formed in uterus so that fertilized egg, if any, can grow there. If the egg does not meet father's gene then the egg will not fertilize. Now you tell me if there is no frtilized egg will our body require thick lining?

Son: No.

Me: If our body does not require thick lining what will our body do??

Son: Ummm.. throw it out??

Me: Yep. Exactly that's what happens every month with women. When the uterus doesn't find fertilized egg it throws the lining which is not required and when it is thrown out we don't have any control over it and we need to use sanitary napkins. It happens once every month. Each cycle lasts for around 4-6 days.

After all this explanation my son's mouth was wide open. All be could say was, "Mamma don't ever tell me such bloody stories again" 

Me: If you are going to ask me bloody questions then you are going to get bloody answers. Mamma tried to tell you that you are still you are young and need to wait for 1-2 years. She was trying to pursuade you again and again. But you didn't listen. So you deserve them!!

Epilogue: My son got the answer for query. But after learning the answer he was somewhat shocked. It was not very pleasant conversation for him. With this dialogue he learnt one important lesson that if his mother asks him to wait for getting answers to certain questions then she has some genuine reasons and not because she does not want to answer. From then on he thinks carefully before asking questions. If I ask him to wait he shows patience! Isn't that a big relief for mother of a curious kid?

To read other blogs visit https://kinfolkclub.com or 

https://motherlab.blogspot.com

Curious kids or parents at test 😲-Part 20 (Mamma, why you use sanitary napkin) - Part 1

When I was kid and I used to ask any awkward questions to my mother I used to get only one answer, " You will get to know automatically when you grow." No persuasion would work on her. Perhaps we had very limited exposure and she was not too much worried that we would turn elsewhere to get information. This "elsewhere" was limited to books or friends.

Now time has changed. Kids are too much exposed to media and internet. So the kind of answers my mother used to give me are not sufficient. Modern mothers are constantly under pressure of information explosion.

When my son was very young, one day after watching the advertisement he had asked me what sanitary napkins were. I had told him then that they are special kind of diapers meant for ladies. He was ok with this answer for many years.

Then he entered in 4th standard. One day he saw me going into the bathroom with sanitary napkins in my hands. When I came back from bathroom he had scandalized look on his face. He asked me, "Why you need to use these  napkins??"

Me: Sometimes I simply need them..

Son: But why?? Who uses diapers?? Either babies or old people, right??

Me: Yes.

Son: Babies do not understand when they get potty. They cannot control. So they use diapers.. But you are grown up. You do understand when you want go to bathroom or when you get potty. You have control. Then why need to use these napkins.

Me (still avoiding to answer the question): Sometimes ladies need to use them.

Son: How come you have control sometimes and sometimes you don't??

Me: My dear boy, you need to wait to get this answer for couple of years. You are too young.

Son: No, you have to answer today only. 

Me: I still feel I should answer this question after 1-2 years. The time will probably be right then.

Son: But why I need to wait?? You have always been answering all sorts of questions all these years. This is not the first time I have asked you difficult or awkward question. Then why suddenly you are telling me to wait??

Me: Because I still feel you are young my boy. These things are anyways covered in your syllabus when you enter 8th standard. You are only in 4th standard. So why hurry??

Son: No, no, no. You will have to tell me just now. Why don't you try me...

These arguments went on for some time. I was slowly running out of all the excuses. My son was not ready to back off at any rate. 

Stay tuned to find out the result of our tussle. Finally who won.. Mamma or son....

Curious kids or parents at test 😲 -Part 19 (Mamma what is sex??)

My son was in 4th standard. Once me, my husband and our son were going out in an auto. Suddenly my son asked me, "Mamma what do you mean by sex??" This was a bouncer for me though I knew what had prompted this question. 

This was his daily route to school. There was a clinic on this road with big board "SEX PROBLEMS सभी लैंगिक समस्याओ का समाधान" Considering the fact that he is so inquisitive and he is using the same road since last 7 years I will say that he took a long time to ask this question. May be whenever he had this question his Mamma and Daddy were not around. Today there was a board and there were his parents. Ideal situation to ask question. And yes, he fired the question at us, "Mamma, what do you mean by sex?" What a question to discuss in an auto riksha! I am sure though the auto driver's eyes were on the road his ears were turned to us.

I was thinking and thinking. I was trying to find the words. How can one discuss such topic in auto? Suddenly it was my husband who took charge of the situation. He said, "Oh! It's quite simple" I was impressed by my husband's quick wit. Normally it was my department to dwelve into such awkward questions. He continued, "It simply means male or female. Means you are a boy. I am boy. So we are male. Mamma is a girl or a woman. So she is a female" 

I thought it was brilliant. My husband had not told anything wrong. He had told one of the meanings. My son thought for a moment and said, "But Daddy, is gender not more appropriate word for it??" My husband's face was worth seeing. Now it was his turn to become speechless. But I had picked up the thread. I said, "You are quite right dear. The word sex is used synonymously for word gender. In few of the registration forms people write sex instead of gender" Thankfully my son was satisfied and he turned attention elsewhere. Me and my husband looked at each other and  heaved a sign of relief.

This satisfaction remained only for some time. After couple of months again we happened to take the same route. Again my son asked the same question. This time I was prepared. I immediately started giving the same explanation which his Daddy had given last time. My son said, "I know all this Mamma. But what's the problem about it? On the board it is written 'sex problems'. If I am a boy and Mamma is a girl what's the problem about it?"  I could clearly see that the auto driver was trying to listen our explanation. I was feeling very awkward. I finally told my son that we cannot have this kind of discussion in auto riksha or in public place and he would have to wait till we reach home. He seemed ok with that. He had not remembered the question after reaching home. 

I am still keeping my fingers crossed when my son would ask me the other meanings of the word!

Curious kids or parents at test 😲-Part 18 (Does your kid have access to adult content - Part 4 last)

In last 2 blogs we learnt the reasons behind my son's acts in the school which made teacher believe that he had access to adult content. I had started breathing easy as my son had been innocent in two out of three incidents. The third incident where my son had licked other boy's hands was little worrisome. We were not able to understand the logic behind it. And this is where even we had doubts. So we continued with our conversation.

Me: By the way tell me why you were licking hands of Ajay??

Son: Daddy taught me.

Me: Daddy taught you?? (My eyes widened in a shock.) Now from where Daddy has come into the picture??

Son: I learnt it from Daddy and I was trying to teach Ajay..

I was aghast to hear this. I almost shouted

Me: What?? Daddy taught you to lick the hands of other people?? 

Son: Yes. Arre Mamma, that day Daddy was teaching me the trick. He said it was kind of defense technique. If someone grabs you from behind and puts his hands on your mouth so that you cannot shout then Daddy told me to use this trick. You have to simply stick out your tongue. The other person holding you will immediately remove his hand from your mouth or loosen the grip. I showed Ajay the trick. He wanted to learn it. He wanted to use it on me.

My goodness!! I could never have imagined this. So this was the licking business! I heaved a big sigh. Suddenly the world looked brighter.

Thank God!! We bothered to talk to our son calmly rather than shouting. It was most comforting to know that afterall our son didn't have access to adult content. Finally we were ready for the meeting with teacher. 

When our meeting began the tone of the teacher was little accusatory. She asked us did we really know what our son was doing behind our back. Indeed we did know. We appraised her about the background of all incidents one by one. Now it was her turn to get flabbergasted. She was speechless for some time. She couldn't believe that there was such simple reasoning possible apart from access to adult content. 

At the end the teacher apologized. We appreciated the fact that his teacher was vigilant about the behavioral aspect of kids along with curriculum. However, she had tried to link non related incidents, she had thought like an adult and drawn conclusions. The kid had thought like a kid and acted like one. I wouldn't blame her.  Now she knew the truth.

In my earlier blogs also I tried to stress on aspects about difference in the way adults think and children think. We need to recognize this difference. By the time we become parents our mind is already conditioned by society, social norms and adult behavior. Whereas the kids behavior is impulsive and free from social dogma.

Friends, when dealing with kids try to step into the shoes of kids and then try to analyze the situation.  Most importantly have faith in your kid but be cautious at the same time!! Try to have meaningful dialogue. Majority of the problems can be solved by assertive and positive conversations. That's the secret of having healthy relationship with the ultra modern kids!!

For reading my other blogs please visit 

https://kinfolkclub.com or https://motherlab.blogapot.com

Curious kids or parents at test 😲-Part 17 (Does your kid have access to adult content?- Part 3)

For reading earlier blogs please click on the following links: 

Part 1
Part 2
In last blog we saw that how the cartoon had inspired the act of shouting "I love you" rather than any kind of adult content.  Now we wanted to find out more about why he was trying to hug the other boy. So we continued with our dialogue..

Me: Your teacher also told me that you were trying to hug Amit.

Son: What?? I was trying to hug? And that too Amit??

Me: Yes, precisely that's what teacher said.

Son: No Mamma it was not me. In fact Amit was trying to hug me.

Me: Then why teacher said that you were trying to hug him?

Son: I don't know. That day the teacher caught us running in the corridor. He was trying to hug me. So I was running.

Me: But why Amit was trying to hug you?

Son: How do I know Mamma? The teacher caught us running in the corridor and she was angry. She was about to scold us. So Amit told her I was trying to hug him. I tried to tell teacher that he was lying. But teacher didn't listen to me.

From whatever conversation we had I was quite convinced that my son was not trying to hug the other boy. Normally parents know when their kids are lying. This was probably one such incident where he was speaking truth. Probably the other kid thought that offence is the best defense. So when teacher found the kids running down the corridor the kid complained to teacher about my son. Since my son was already known to be naughty the teacher didn't bother to check the truth.

By now I had started breathing little easily. Two out of three instances were down and both the incidents had nothing to do with access to adult content. But what about the third?? First two incidents had sounded little lame from the beginning. Still I didn't wish to leave anything un-explored. I wanted to be 100% sure that my son was not seeing something he ought not to. The third incident was climax. It had really put me into jitters. This part of the conversation was what I had dreaded the most.

Why was my son licking hands of the other boy? Why indeed?? Please follow my next blog to find the answers.

Curious kids or parents at test 😲 -Part 16 (Does your kid have access to adult content?? - Part 2)

In my last blog we read about my son's teacher expressing her doubts regarding my son having access to adult content. We decided to have a dialogue with our son. Read on to know what happened next. We started with episode of my son shouting "I love you" in the class.

Me: Do you know dear today I received a phone call from your teacher.

Son: How come Mamma? Today I really behaved well. I didn't trouble any of the teachers.

Me: Yes, I know that. Today she had called for something else. She mentioned that you shouted "I love you Kiyara" in front of whole class.

Son: Yes. But that was not today. 

Me: May be. But why did you shout like that in the first place?

Son: Because she is a nice girl and I like to play with her. Why what happened?

Clearly my son had not understood the gravity of this issue. He was talking very innocetly.

Me: You like to play with her. But it doesn't mean that you can shout "I love you"

Son: Why not?? If Nobita can tell Shizuka then I can also tell Kiyara...

Clearly we could see that all this shouting business was inspired by his favorite cartoon "Doremon". Normally before allowing my son to watch any program I used the watch couple of episodes along with him and used to permit him if and only if that show was appropriate. I had already banned couple of cartoons. But I had never imagined that apparently harmless cartoon could inspire such an action in my son. We had found the source of first complaint at least.

We had to tell our son that even if he liked playing with some girl shouting "I love you" in the class is not considered good and advised him not to repeat this behavior. 

We also told him that there is difference in Indian culture and Western culture. So even if it ok in Western culture it is not really ok in our culture. God knows how much he understood but he was at least receptive when we were taking. Thankfully he has not repeated this stunt till date. 

Banning the cartoon completely was not option. Post this fiasco we encouraged him more to watch channels like National Geographic, BBC Earth etc. Sometimes we used to watch cartoons along with him and tell him what was appropriate and what was not!!

We were relieved that at least the first incident had absolutely nothing to do with the adult content. But what about the second incident??

Friends please stay tuned to my next blog to know more about the truth behind remaining 2 incidents. (To be continued)

For reading my other blogs please visit https://kinfolkclub.com or https://motherlab.blogspot.com

Curious kids or parents at test 😲-Part 15 ( Does your kid have access to adult content??-Part 1)

Since my son had entered primary school, I had started dreading the calls from his school. Typically I used to get complaints from various teachers that he disturbs the class. One day when I saw a call from his school number I wondered what he had done that day. His class teacher had called and asked me, "Ma'am, you are working mother right?" I answered affirmatively. She said, "Do you know probably your son has access to adult content?" I was mentally prepared to hear any complaint but this. How could it be? I was speechless for few moments. If it was really true it was definitely a matter of concern for us. My son was only 6 years old. Finally I mustered the courage and asked her, "Could you please tell me exactly what makes you think that he access to adult content?" She narrated the following 3 incidents which had taken place in last couple of months:  

1. He had shouted "I love you" in the class to one girl
2. One boy had complained that my son was trying to kiss him
3. One boy had complained that my son had licked his hand and he was not letting that other boy to lick his own hands.

The teacher had sought face to face meeting with both the parents. I was flabbergasted to hear all these incidents. I was very restless. I called up my husband and informed him about the whole thing. Even he was clueless. We had to talk to our son. It was a delicate job. We needed to get the answers but at the same time it was necessary to remain neutral and understand our son's take on it. Afterall he was our son and we didn't want him to lose his faith in his own parents.

I was not able to imagine if at all he was getting access to adult content then how and where he was getting it. He was not in a professional day care where there would be other kids and seniors. He was in charge of elderly couple and their daughter in law. We had known them for years. They had never given him access to computer or mobile. They were very vigilant. At home he had access to laptop as well as mobile. But it was under our supervision only. We didn't have any books or CDs or anything with adult content.

Then how was he getting access?? How indeed?? My head had started spinning and I was not able to concentrate on anything in office. All these years when my kiddo was asking me all awkward questions I had never felt restless like this. For the first time I was dreading conversation with my own kid. I was really afraid of what answers I would receive. 

Me and my husband were quite  sure that our son was not having access to adult content. But then what about those incidents which his teacher had reported. Follow my next blog to get answers to the above riddles. (To be continued)

To read my other blogs visit  https://kinfolkclub.com or https://motherlab.blogspot.com

Curious kids Or parents at test 😲 -Part 14 (Social acceptance norms & Measurements on Daru ki bottle)

Now my son had entered preliminary school. He was known to be very talkative and naughty kid. One day I received a call from his school. His teacher told me that he disturbed the class. He intentially gives attention seeking answers. I aksed her what was the matter. She narrated the following incident.

She was  a Maths teacher. She was teaching the class about units of measurement. While teaching she had asked the class if they had ever noticed the measurements like 1 kg, 500 grams or 1 litre written on certain packed items. My son had promptly replied, "Yes, on "Daru ki bottle". After this answer there was ruckus in the class. Kids started laughing, clapping and lot of time had lost in bringing the class under control. I assured the teacher that I would speak to my son.

I was also surprised by this answer. Of all things "Daru ki bottle" was a bit too much. All of us are teetotalers.  Even most of our acquaintances are likewise. I don't even remember going to any party with my kid where alcohol was served. I spoke to my husband. Even he seemed clueless. It appeared that we would have to speak to our son directly to know the secret. We had to be very careful. In the evening I asked him casually.

Me: These days whats up at school? What new topic are they teaching these days?

After couple of other topics he reached "Units of Measurement" I immediately caught the thread. And asked him where all he had seen measurements written?? He mentioned couple of items and then mentioned "Daru ki bottle"

Me: Daru ki bottle? Where have you seen "Daru ki bottle"? We don't consume it.

Son: Arre Mamma, yesterday I was coming home with Daddy from day care. On the road I stumbled upon Daru ki bottle. So when teacher asked where you had seen measurements before I remembered that bottle.

Me: Oh! It's ok. But how did you know that it was indeed a "Daru ki bottle"?

Son: Because of it's shape.

He traced the peculiar shape of liquor bottles in the air.

Me: How do you know that Daru ki bottle has this peculiar shape??

Son: Teachers!

Me: Teachers?? What do you mean by teachers?? Teacher told you it is liquor bottle??

Son: No Mamma, hoarding! It's the hoarding!!

Me: Will you please tell me what are you blabbering??

Son: There is that big hoarding on way to school, you remember?

Me: Yes, what of that?

Son: Mamma, that hoarding has big ad of Teacher's!!

Finally it dawned on me. The hoarding had big advertisement of famous liquor brand - Teacher's Highland Cream. 

This is how my son had deduced bottle he had stumbled upon was "Daru ki bottle". I was aghast.  After listening to this I had no heart of telling off my kid about the teacher's complaint. I just decided to let go off the incident. When he will grow he will automatically understand the difference between what is socially acceptable and what is not!! Till then the answer that the measurement is written on "Daru ki bottle" holds good for me. What about you??

My limited point in this incident is don't just get panicked by complaints from school. Nor scold the child without having meaningful dialogue. Have faith in your upbringing as well as have faith in your kid. Give him opportunity to explain himself. 

For reading other blogs please click on https://kinfolkclub.com or https://motherlab.blogspot.com

Curious Kids or Parents at test😲- Part 13 (Let the child know why he is being admonished)

One day my kid came home in an irritated mood. He was very very angry with his Hindi teacher. I asked him patiently what was the matter. He told me that the Hindi teacher had scolded him for no reason in front of whole class. He started narrating.

Son: Today the teacher was teaching us a poem in Hindi class. It was about importance of time. While teaching she asked "पल पल इकठ्ठा हो कर क्या बन जाता है?" (What do moments in time add up to?)  

Me: Then??

Son: I answered "घंटा" (an hour). Then the other kids in the class started laughing and teacher scolded me in the class. Did I say anything wrong Mamma??

I could sense the righteous anger in his tone. I heaved a sigh. Technically speaking there was nothing wrong in his answer. The catch was that Marathi being his mother tongue he didn't know the Hindi slang. Literally speaking घंटा in Hindi means an hour. But in slang the same word has a vulgar meaning. The kids who knew this meaning laughed and created ruckus in the class. The teacher who knew this slang had scolded him and my son who didn't know this slang was totally clueless. 

I pacified my son. I had to tell him that there was absolutely nothing wrong in his answer. But at the same time I had to explain him the how the word was used in slang. In slang it either meant "nothing" or "penis". The teacher had obviously thought that he had purposely used this double meaning word in class and had scolded him. After listening to this he was pacified to some extent but some glitch remained in his mind. 

In all this I appreciated the fact that the teacher was vigilant in the class and she had paid attention to the language kids were using. But one thing bothered me and it was that my son didn't know why he was scolded. I decided to speak to his teacher. I made an appointment and met her. 

I narrated the full incident to her. She recollected it easily. Firstly, I appreciated her keen attention towards the kids. Then I told her that I had absolutely no problem in teachers reprimanding my son if he made mistakes or if he misbehaved. But at the same time I expressed my concern that the child did not know why he was reprimanded. If he did not know the reason for scolding he would not be able to amend his behavior and he would end up having a grudge against teacher. I requested her to ensure that the kid knows the reason when they are reprimanded. After listening the teacher also agreed with my view point.

Friends some times it happens with us also. We are adults and our thinking pattern is governed by social acceptance norms. But kids are more impulsive and may not understand our view. If admonishment or punishment is required then do so but let the kid know the reason. Else how the kid would understand where he went wrong or where he needs to improvise. 

Come to think of social acceptance norms I remember one more incident regarding measurements on liquor bottle. Let's meet next week with a new story.

For reading more blogs please refer https://kinfolkclub.com or https://motherlab.blogspot.com